Book: Negotiating at Home
Why do parents who can pull off multi-million dollar deals at work then go home and stumble with their kids?
Parents spend an awful lot of time negotiating with their kids—over everyday requests, rules and policies, and big decisions, and often end up derailed and frustrated. In Negotiating at Home, Kurtzberg and Kern offer parents a chance to look more closely at what they already do well (and why) and what can be done better. Grounded in decades of research on how to negotiate effectively, parents will learn about how to plan, recognize specific tactics, communicate and work in partnerships with other family members, address fairness, and handle conflict.
Highlights include:
Real stories and examples generated from interviews with hundreds of parents demonstrating the common patterns and "pain points"
Strategies to avoid predictable pitfalls
Specific tips for mastering the immediate moment and paving the way for future successes
A guide for kids to learn the basic rules of effective negotiating for use in their own lives
praise for Negotiating at Home
“Although the managers I teach in executive education do as much negotiating at home with family as they do at work, translating how to negotiate interests, when to use rights and rules or power from the workplace to the home front is not trivial. At last, a book I can enthusiastically recommend that makes that translation for you.”
“I have been waiting for this book. It is a treasure of memorable stories and evidence-based takeaways that every parent will put to use immediately. As a parent and teacher/scholar of negotiations for 15+ years, I only wish I had this clear and compassionate guide sooner.”
“If I’ve spent my career assisting my clients as they navigate their commercial real estate transaction negotiations, and I myself communicate and negotiate on a daily basis with those in my workplace and community, how is my six-year-old daughter better able to negotiate with me than anyone else (with my 11- and 13-year-old sons not too far behind too)?
With dozens of relatable real-world examples of interactions between parents and children (“so it’s not just me?”), and a clear, solid foundation of behavioral theory, Negotiating at Home lays out a plethora of strategies and a robust framework for parents to make informed, logical decisions regarding how they can more effectively negotiate with their children.”
“Kurtzberg and Kern have written an invaluable guide for every parent who wants to improve communication with their children. They invite us to listen—really listen—to the interests of those we love and take their interests seriously. It can be shockingly difficult to let go of our assumptions, wishes, and opinions to really hear what our kids are saying when we find ourselves at odds. This book shows how.”
Review
Advice for balancing the juggling act of collaborative parenting.
On any given day, parents face countless moments when they must negotiate with their children. These can include a vast array of choices and determinations: what to eat, when to go to bed, amount of screen time, getting a ride to a friend’s house. Seeking to help readers avoid standoffs, Kurtzberg and Kern, both professors of management, offer numerous ways in which parents can apply workplace skills to the home setting. Although many of the practices they recommend are straightforward and “commonsense,” it is helpful to have reminders of how to use these skills gathered in one place. “Even if we have a sense of the right path forward,” write the authors, “understanding more about why and how certain tactics and techniques work can allow us to make better choices about which tools to use when….We do forget a lot of what we learn.” Kurtzberg and Kern interweave research from a variety of disciplines, including “leadership, psychology, education…[and] communications,” highlighting respectful and fair concepts to assist parents in understanding the interactions between their ideas and those of their children. Though often appropriate, “the ‘because I said so’ logic” is not applicable to all situations. The authors use multiple scenarios (“Stories From Home”) to illustrate their techniques, and they summarize key points at the end of each chapter, making it easy for readers to find the relevant information quickly. For parents who feel overwhelmed, this book offers a concise presentation of successful cooperation tactics. The authors also provide an appendix to help children develop their own negotiation skills. The second and third rules are especially pertinent in today’s society: “Before you even open your mouth, spend a minute thinking,” and “Ask a lot of questions (before your start talking about your own ideas).”
Easily assimilated, useful guidance for parents seeking to create a more harmonious home environment.
~ Kirkus Reviews, June 29, 2020