Negotiating at Home: Table of Contents
Preface
• What You Already Know and What’s New
• What’s to Come
Step 1 – Cracking the Negotiations Code
Chapter 1 – Learning Negotiation Skills
• What Is Negotiation?
• Why Is This So Much Harder at Home Than at Work?
• Negotiating by the Numbers
• The Limits of Learning from Experience
• The Paradoxes of Parenting
• The Problem of Analogical Transfer
• The Five Big Ideas about Learning Negotiation Skills
Chapter 2 - The Single Best Predictor of Success: Preparation
• Start With a Goal
• The Nitty-Gritty of Preparing: The Three-Question Checklist, Asked Twice
• Why are “Whys” Hard in This Setting? The Two Levels: Immediate and Perpetual
• First Things First: Getting Your Ducks in a Row
• Sharing Your “Why”
• What About Your Child’s Perspective? The Second Time Through the Three Questions
• An Example of the Three-Question Checklist (Asked Twice) in Action
• The Five Big Ideas on Preparation
Chapter 3 - Choosing a Strategy: Power, Rules, and Insight
• Power: The Ace Up Your Sleeve
• Establishing Rules
• What Is “Fair”?
• The Go-To Fair Solution: “Let’s Just Split It”
• Insight
• The Five Big Ideas About Choosing a Strategy
Step 2 – Becoming A Master of the Moment
Chapter 4 - Psychological Warfare: The Common Tactics Kids Use for Getting What They Want
• The Go-To List that Comes Pre-Installed in Most Children
• Tactic #1: The Buck Stops Where? Conformity Pressures in Parenting
• Tactic #2: It’s Not as Bad as What I Could Have Asked for! And its Twin: While You’re Saying Yes, How About Just This One Extra Little Thing? The Use of Contrasts
• Tactic #3: What If I Just Keep Asking? Really, I Could Do This All Day … The Exhaustion Tactic
• Tactic #4: Lying
• The Five Big Ideas About Tactics
Chapter 5 - Predictable Pitfalls
• The Science of Decision Making
• Misremembering the Origins: Getting Stuck on Blame
• Escalation of Commitment: Getting Stuck with Our Previous Decisions
• Artificially High Stakes: Getting Stuck on Fears for the Future
• The Winner’s Curse: Getting Stuck on What Might Have Been
• Anchoring and Concessions: Getting Stuck on the First Thing You Hear
• The Five Big Ideas About Pitfalls
Chapter 6 - Multiple Roles at the Table: Teammate, Coach, and Judge
• Teammate: The Two-Headed Monster
• Sure, We’re On the Same Page! (Aren’t We?)
• Which One Are You, The Strict One or The Nice One?
• Tell It to the Judge
• Coaching for Future Success
• The Five Big Ideas on Your Multiple Roles in Negotiations (Teammate, Judge, and Coach)
Chapter 7 - Negotiating via Text
• Short but Not Always Sweet
• The Magic of Speech
• Words and Symbols
• The Third Wheel of Technology
• We’re Not Ourselves Online
• The Five Big Ideas About Texting
Step 3 – Bringing the Best of Yourself
Chapter 8 - Negotiating While Hopping Mad: Managing Emotions in Negotiations
• Why Is it So Hard to Think Straight when Mad, Sad, or Glad?
• Catch It, Share It, and Judge it: Contagion, Congruence, and First Impressions
• The Emotional You vs. The Rational You: Fight of the Century!
• Kids’ Emotions: A Work in Progress
• The Life Raft of Active Listening
• The Five Big Ideas about Emotions
Chapter 9 - Managing Everyday Conflict
• Monkey See, Monkey Do
• “My Way or the Highway” versus “I Need to Do What My Child Needs Me to Do”
• One Problem, Five Solutions
• Can You Hear Me Now? Strategies for Communicating Well
• The Five Big Ideas About Conflict and Communication
Chapter 10 - The Tools at Work: The Test Drives
• What’s Different About a Negotiation at Home?
• The Value of Planning
• Which Strategy and When?
• Being Battle Ready for The Every Day, Every Kid Tactics
• We Are All (Parents and Children) Predictably Irrational
• The Part You Play
• To Text or Not to Text?
• Don’t Get Derailed by Emotions
• Moving Beyond Your Defaults in Resolving Conflicts and Communicating
• Conclusion
Appendix - The Five Rules Your Kids Need to Think Like a Master Negotiator
• Rule #1: Decide: Should I or Shouldn’t I?
• Rule #2: Before You Even Open Your Mouth, Spend a Minute Thinking
• Rule #3: Ask a Lot of Questions (Before You Start Talking About Your Own Ideas)
• Rule #4: Explain Yourself
• Rule #5: Brainstorm
• Summary Checklist